Let’s talk about aging.

Photo is from a zombie movie I was in.

It’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. It’s natural and we all do it and it’s perfectly fine.

I hate the term “anti-aging” because it’s a manipulation and it feeds unnecessary societal pressure and is a construct of mysogyny. Men prefer their women young because youth means fertility and humans, like all other species, are driven to reproduce; it’s also why men like big boobs (for feeding their progeny). This is a biological fact. Women, on the other hand, see age as a sign of providing security and safety. If you’re fine with that, it’s all good.

The issue arises when women are stressed out about aging and companies use that societal fear/pressure to sell products. Women can end up feeling worthless, depressed and hopeless as they age and this is ingrained in us from birth. Women are considered “past their prime” when they hit 40, which is why so many are terrified of the “Big 4-0.” Do you know why Sweet 16 and Quinceaneras are so celebrated? Because that is the age women are traditionally ready for marriage and breeding. I won’t play into this obsession with youth, and I hope you don’t either.

I’m not saying that you should “let yourself go” to thumb your nose at the patriarchy, I’m saying that make sure whatever you do about your appearance if FOR YOU and not what you think you should be. For instance, I have breast implants. All the movies I watched in the 80s and 90s showed me that women didn’t need to be smart or capable or even kind, they just had to be beautiful and well-endowed to receive attention, love and validation. So, all I wanted was to be beautiful and have boobs. Luckily, my face was pretty enough, but my boobs were tiny and slouchy and pointy all at the same time and I absolutely hated them. I was in my thirties when I finally got implants and went from an A cup to a C cup and though I did it for myself, the reason beneath it all that were ingrained in me since childhood was that I was not good enough as I was.

And that’s the problem: feeling like you are not good enough, which is the part of the entire “anti-aging” debacle. No magic words or sage advice can suddenly change your mind about that because it started when you were born female. I know I can’t change the world, but I can also choose not to be part of the problem. And I can tell you to make sure you are thinking for yourself and making decisions based on what YOU want for your self, the core of who you are. You are already good enough, but if you want to be better, whatever that may mean for you, then do it however works best for you.